Wednesday, October 31, 2007

tour de force 2...

Mainstream 90's Rap

The second installment in our tour de force de genres de muziq brings us to Mainstream 90's Rap. The 90's may or may not have been the golden age of rap. There were huge superstars making names for themselves, like Snoop Dogg, Biggie, and 2 Pac. There were some major superstars getting shot like snoop dogg, Biggie, and 2 Pac. And even some major superstars that got killed like Biggie and 2 Pac. I think the goal of a 90's rapper was to be famous enough that they didn't have to slang dope or work at burger king, but not famous enough that they got killed.

There was some super tight songs that came out during this time frame, Cross Roads by Bone Thugs, I Wish by Skee-lo, Gin and Juice by Snoop Dogg, etc... This was the kind of music that in 6th grade made you feel super cool. Once you and your boy got done talking about which TLC girl was the finest ( I can make a case for all three see the red light special video), you put on Yo! MTV raps and got some culture.

As a semi-pro rap superstar myself, I feel like I am semi well qualified to name "California Love" by Dr. Dre and 2 Pac as the best song of this genre. It had everything that you needed, a George Clinton like beat, some squeaky high voice box chorus, 2 bad ass trippin rappers. The video featured a Mad Max Beyond Thunder Dome type setting. I pride myself on knowing all the words, this is the kind of jam that you Karaoke too.

Probably the best line in this song is:
Out on bail fresh outta jail, California dreamin
Soon as I stepped on the scene, I'm hearin hoochies screamin

They Talking HOOCHIES

Regard this video, this guy could play your Bar Mitzvah. He strikes no fear in onlookers, his shirt makes him look like a sausage. Kids don't be this whack.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

tour de force...

A new column on this blogosphere is an idea that came to me a few days pence. I am deciding to take a tour de force thru the music catalog of the world and choose the best song from each genre. Where possible, I will show a cover band playing the song, why, because I love me a cover band. I have seen Marky Mark's hit film Rockstar at least 10 times. Now for the first entry.

This kind of music had all the ability to be awesome, but often sucked. Some of the notable sucky bands were Smashmouth and whoever else you can name. Maybe the best bands were Fishbone and Reel Big Fish. I often thought a ska band would be the most fun band to be in, they always have the one random guy dancing (or skanking) which I always enjoyed, and I love the trumpet. Seriously I'm always talking about trumpets, not trombones, I don't like those as much, I'm talking Satchmo. For those of who maybe were in middle school during the late 90's and weren't allowed to touch the radio in your Mom's Camry, ska basically always caught me as a bunch of orchestra players who got sick of playing Taps and Beethoven and stared whaling.

People who like ska generally mean well, but I dont think you want them watching your children.

The Best Ska song as voted on by me is "The Impression That I Get" by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. Play it, you will rock out, you will, you will lose control of your neck and your head will start to bob. Notice in this video the ridiculous hats people are wearing, and how everyone shouts the chorus. The latter I can appreciate because the chorus are the only words I know. But I cannot get down with hats. This band also seems to be made up exclusively of McLovins. Also of note, the drummer is the singer, which is very Genesis, and I can totally get down with it, but I wonder, without a lead singer, who will do angry at the microphone stand type moves that the crowd goes nuts for. At minute 1:55 and then again at :29 the guy in the front row that you can just see his back, he is skanking.

Monday, October 29, 2007

the best yet...

Watch this video, what I like so much about it is that the last dude seems like the kid in highschool who got picked on crazily. Then, prom came and out of nowhere the brus goes off and steals your girlfriend.

Get your steps in today. At least 5,000.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

saturday mornings...

Whatever you do, do not watch this movie, you have much better things to do with your life.

hype man...

America I need you to stop an ongoing debate:

Am I Nanni's hype man?


Is Nanni my hype man?

Its on you America, leave it in the comments section.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

indecision '08...

You decide America,

The pending comeback of Hawstage Sityiashun (or however you want to spell it) has forced us to come up with an idea for an album title.

Should we use the original planned title Mofos in Space or change it to The Phat of the Land?

Leave your answer in the comments section

Monday, October 22, 2007

ninety minutes...

If you only had 90 minutes to live, would you spend them watching this:

Leave your comments

Monday, October 15, 2007

a good movie...

Today me and some of my very good friends watched Roll Bounce, the hit film starring Nick Cannon and Bow Wow. While enjoying this movie, I was reminded not every movie can be this good, it takes effort. So that got me thinking, how hard is it to make a great movie, this I had to know. So, I took the plot to the best movie I know, Val Kilmer’s The Saint, and I took the plot to all the other random movies that I enjoy and placed them into excel. The point was to explain to the general public that a movie such as The Saint is not just thrown together. It is not a set of random variables that just happened to mesh together in the form of perfection.

It went like this, I made a random number generator in excel and placed it by each variable. I determined that if the random number was greater than .5 that it was a vote towards the item in the first column, if it was less than .5 it would be an indicator of the second column. By my calculations it was a 1 in 1024 chance that the computer would create the plot to The Saint. Prepared to wait all night before the combination came up, I kept hitting the generate button. To my surprise, it only took me 11 attempts to come up with the right combination.

Thus, making the perfect movie is easier than I thought.

Friday, October 12, 2007

we belong...

Today is Friday, I am going out of town for the weekend and don't know if I will be able to post anything. But I don't want to leave my 3 readers in the dark. So, I'm going to leave you with this inspirational message.

Whenever you are down, whenever you a gloomy and counted out, just remember that you belong, you belong on the worlds biggest stage.

It's every little girls dream to be an animal trainer, but when your first name is killer and your last name is whale, can you ever be that safe. Have you never seen Orca, you will be eaten. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but it will happen when you least expect it. I imagine it happening something like this. You're tired from a long day, so you start the bath and you leave the room to wait for the tub to fill up. After a few minutes you come back in, the room is all hot and steamy, you are just about to sit down when you remember that you forgot your leg shaving razor. You go to the vanity and grab it thankful that you remembered. You turn around to head back to the tub and BAM, Orca.

Blog it like you stole it.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

remember when...

When was the last time you got misty eyed?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

in theatre one...

So there aren't many good movies out, theres really no reason to go see a movie nowadays. I just can't fathom spending 9 bucks on a crappy movie that I might not even watch for free if it came on TBS, actually who am I kidding, I watch everything.

Thats why the current state of film de cinema is Kansas. I have driven through Kansas, and trust me there is nothing to see.

Oddly enough, when I was in high school, I went to the movies a lot. I feel like I went at least once a week. The movies are great to a high school kid, its the perfect way to get away from your parents for at least 2 hours. I think I went on more dates to movies than any other place, and some of the movies I have seen were horrendous.

Classic films like The Mummy 2, Pootie Tang, An Ideal Husband, Charlie's Angles 2, The Beach, Ocean's Twelve, Men in Black 2, Garden State, Dick, Mr. Deeds, the list could go on.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

best in the biz...

There's many stars in the galaxy, but from 1989 to 1998 no star shined as bright a Sasha Mitchell. You might know him better as cousin Cody Lambert from televisions Step by Step.

But, one role could never define Sasha. He is not a better character actor than Dustin Diamond (Screech) because Sasha is not a character actor, but rather he is a true thespian.

In 1989 he stared on televisions "Dallas," and in 1991 the world was introduced to cousin Cody. But the hardest working actor in Hollywood also had time to star in 3 ground breaking films. Films that changed the landscape of cinema. They were Kickboxer 2, Kickboxer 3, and Kickboxer 4.

Sasha Mitchell Fame Tracking Chart

Saturday, October 6, 2007

rock of love...

So to date I have not seen the conclusion to VH1's Rock of Love. For those that haven't seen it, its rock n' roll's answer to Flavor of Love which starred Flava Flav. Instead of a rapping clock enthusiast, this show stars former lead singer singer of Poison Bret Michaels. For those of you who don't know who or what that is, check out this video:

Now here's the theme of the show, ex rock n' roller has had bad relationships and now he's probably early 40's and sans wife. So he dates all these crazy ladies, most too young to even really know who he is, but yet they love him anyway. So, I saw every episode except the season finale, where he was supposed to choose who he would marry.

His final two options were essentially this:

would he marry the bandanna, or would he marry the cowboy hat.

I still don't know which one he chose. Do you know America?

Friday, October 5, 2007

is this something...

Folks, You decide, is this something, leave your response in the comments section.

For the women theres a cup that fits up against them.

For poop its a harder problem to solve, floaters........

Thursday, October 4, 2007

how to create a band...

Goodbye to you undefeated season

Things learned this weekend:

1. Wendy don't take nooo mess.

2. A certain someone downed 4 bud lights.

3. Free shrimp and potatoes is a bad idea.

4. We cant beat Auburn.