Friday, September 28, 2007
So what happens when the two meet? Have you smiled yet today? You are welcome!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Questions to ask yourself
1. How many steroids was Stallone on?
2. How much did Billy D have to slow down so Stallone could look faster then him?
3. Were you supposed to match your tube socks to your outfit?
4. Are embraces like the one that occurs at 3:10 allowed anymore?
please leave your responses in the comments section
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Here is a straw poll for all my female readers. The concept is that these songs have such an effect on girls, that if they listen to them, they will lose their panties in broad day light. It will only take 5 minutes of your time, and when you are done if you would please leave your response in the comment section of this post.
ok ready heres the instructions:
Step 1. Verify that you are wearing panties.
Step 2. Watch this video in its entirety
Step 3. Are you still wearing your panties? If yes watch this video
Step 4. Are you still wearing your panties? If yes, I would find this hard to believe. If not, predictable in every way. Please leave a comment as to your results.
Monday, September 24, 2007
"Walker, a Texas ranger, believes in dealing with the bad guys the old fashioned way, by fighting them. He also works on instincts. Trivette is his partner. He was a former player for the Dallas Cowboys football team. Trivette uses the modern approach to crime solving, such as computers and cellular phones."
I don't know if you have seen the show before, I hope you have, but each episode is based around the same principle. A bad guy Walker put in the slammer many years ago gets out of jail and is looking to settle the score with the crime fighter. To do so, they construct some sort of bomb, show up to Walkers home to destroy him, but accidentally stumble upon D.A. Alex Cahill and kidnap her. They make her the target of their plot.
This same plot line goes on for 203 episodes. At what point should it have dawned on her to break up with Walker and run the hell away. And every time it happens it's like she is totally shocked by it. It's as though she has no short term memory. Ladies, what if every time you were supposed to meet your boyfriend at his house for a candlelit dinner you found yourself captured and chained to a cinder block at the bottom of well, would you ever go back out with this guy again? Never date a man in a cutoff shirt, and never date a texas ranger.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Henceforth, we no longer have a need for whales. Giant filthy beasts. But there are soooo many whales that we haven't killed yet. Here's 3 reasons to nuke them:
1. We already have the nukes
2. Nuke them, before they nuke us
3. Tazering the whales would take too long
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
You have grown up to fast. You worry too much. How old are you, if it starts with a 2 and ends in a digit that’s 0 thru 9 that means you’re young as balls. You are young enough to make mistakes and you are young enough to fail. You’re old enough to succeed, but you have got time for that. Don’t rush it. Quit thinking about insurance, and relationships, and children, and jobs, and quilting bees or whatever the crap you are thinking about. Quit doing homework, quit studying for tests, try winging it. Once you graduate college grades don’t mean anything (note the president was a C student).
Remember when you were super young, it was boss. Have you ever seen a 5 year old just starring out into the sky, wide-eyed and hopeful. You know what that little kid is thinking about? It’s Candy, he's thinking about candy. We should think about candy more often. You should think about candy more often. Quit counting calories, quit counting money, quit counting significant others or significant figures. Do something that makes you happy before happiness is casual Fridays and being able to find a babysitter. Read a book, Ian McCalister will thank you. Better yet, rent the movie, and say you read the book.
When you were in elementary school you looked at the 5th grade like that was it. It just had to be a transition to something big. Well it wasn’t, it was a transition to middle school. And in middle school you had buck teeth. It’s true, you did. You also hit puberty, you had a really long neck, you had bad hair, you probably wore knee high stockings at one time. You thought everything would be dope in high school. Well, high school came. You became worried about friends, about being in the right clique, you wanted to eat lunch with the Tree people – not on the freshman wall. You thought that was a big deal. You had tests, you studied, you got into a good college. Yup, life was going to be awesome. High school was a let down. There was no Zach Morris, there was no Kelly Kapowski. Molly Ringwald didn’t go to your high school, you didn’t wreck your Dad’s Porsche, John Cusack never held a radio up outside your bedroom, and U2 didn’t play your prom. A buddy of yours probably blew up a teacher’s mailbox. It seemed important at the time.
You come to college, nobody knows you here. You can be whoever you want. This is your chance, you can be the best you. You work hard or maybe you don’t. Either way you will graduate and get some job. Everything that came before was just stair steps to this job. It’s the escalator of life. You will one day have conversations with the 2 friends that you will remain in contact with and call it THE job. Other things become THEES too. There’s THE car, and THE wife, and THE kids, and THE house, and THE mortgage. But stop right there, you don’t have to be old. You don’t have to be grown up or know all the answers. Do you know why adults ask children what they want to do when they grow up? It’s because they’re looking for ideas for themselves.
Take a minute, take a breath, think about candy. Think about Michael J. Fox, that dudes hilarious. You’re old enough to party, turn your Kelly Clarkson up loud ( read: Pink’s “Who Knew”). It’s still okay to decorate your room in posters. EBay has great posters. The next time you find yourself cruising EBay at from that vintage Iron Eagle movie poster, buy it, cause that’s your Jam, and its only 20 bucks. Don’t worry whether you’re gonna decorate your adult house in posters. Shocker is, by the time you get your adult house, you are no longer going to be worried about posters. And then, by the time you are rich enough that you can worry about posters again – you might not want them. Don’t miss the boat, don’t miss out, miss the bus, the bus sucks. Buy more posters, think about candy more often, you’re young, and that’s what young people should do. You’re as cool as you think you are, you run as fast as you think you do, and you have as much time for things as you think you do. Be involved, or cut your involvements. Take a second for yourself. Slow down, check your watch, you’re still young.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Its a sign from the heavens.