Monday, July 30, 2007

hoagies and grinders

"I'm a grinder," said Garcia following Sunday morning's first full-contact practice of training camp here. "I think one of my strongest traits is that I find ways to get things done, no matter what. And I think [Gruden] is a grinder, too. I really think he respects that."

ThanksgivingMatt: Look at that quote from Jeff Garcia
ThanksgivingMatt: its blogable
Wendy: everything about Jeff Garcia is bloggable

So America, what do you have to say. Is former Calgary Stampeder, San Francisco 49er, Cleveland Brown, Detroit Lion, Philadelphia Eagle, and current Buccaneer Quarterback Jeff Garcia a grinder?

Please list your responses in the comments section.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

dare, double dare, physical challenege

About 3 years ago, while high on protein, I propositioned the folks at Hoss Fest to partake in the President’s Challenge. The very same President’s Challenge you partook in grade school. Needless to say it never happened, but what would have happened if it did.

Now lets meet the contestants.

Grant: 6’-5” 162 fighting pounds, known for his skills on the court and for bleaching our carpet, fully carbo loaded on pasta.

Eric: 6’-3” 2?? fighting pounds, incredible veteran savvy, first ever platinum hoss.

Evan: 5’-8” 150 fighting pounds, incredibly agile, aggressive like a baboon in heat.

Brandon: 6’-1” 180 fighting pounds, devastatingly pretty, coined the phrase “look good and play good”.

Nanni: 5’-11” 165 fighting pounds, quick witted, slow footed, the brahma bull.

Ruben: 5’-8” 145 fighting pounds, more quick than fast yet slowed by intestinal issues.

The Events:

Mile Run: Eric, the former cross country star, elects to sit this one out, instantly getting 1 point. Evan takes the early lead, followed by Brandon, Nanni, Ruben, and Grant. Just as lap 2 begins, Brandon’s head band is dislodged from his head and he has to quit the race (2). Grant’s ginormous strides keep it close throughout, but Evan (6) wins it, followed by Grant(5), Nanni(4), and Ruben(3).

Sit and Reach: The shorter people have no chance as Grant easily takes this competition. Nanni known for his high-kicks comes in a respectable 3rd, while Ruben’s famously tight hamstrings and restless leg syndrome drops him to last. Grant (6), Brandon (5), Nanni(4), Eric(3), Evan (2), Ruben (1).

Pull-ups: Grip strength, and the fact that he’s pulling up less weight than anybody else throws Ruben into a easy victory (6). Grants 2 pull-ups (2) passes only Eric’s none (1). Brandon (3) who tries to convince people he was once buff, is notorious for canceling out on gym sessions. Nanni (5) and Evan (4), demonstrate amazing back strength, each besting the total they put up in 4th grade.

Shuttle Run: Arguably the most fun event, this contest tests your change of direction ability. Grant (3), Ruben(5), Evan(6), Brandon(4), and Nanni(2) all put up incredible times. Eric (1) the consummate vet, prefers the head fake.

Sit-Ups: Up against the clock, Brandon kicks out 42 in one minutes time to take in 5th place (2). Ruben, (1) the events favorite, has to use the rest room after cranking out 20 and is excused from the competition. Grant amazingly takes first (6), the other contestants look a hot mess as they finish up Evan (5), Eric surges from nowhere to take 3rd (4), Nanni (3).


Evan: 23

Nanni: 18

Grant: 22

Brandon: 16

Eric: 10

Ruben: 16

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

keep my name out your mouth

There is no greater pleasure in life than yelling “THEY WERE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE” three inches from your girlfriends face. Trust me on that.

Blogtoberfest continues on as today we preview the 2007 College Football Season by looking at those other schools with “Gators” as their mascot.

Allegheny College – This school located in Pennsylvania plays in the prestigious North Coast Athletic Conference. They are looking forward to a great season as they return punter Jason Black a First Team All NCAC selection. How fun.

College of Notre Dame of Maryland – Rich in tradition, this all women’s powerhouse celebrates the athletic careers of their distinguished alumni including: Wide Receiver Raghib Ismail and Nancy Boy Brady Quinn.

Pine Manor College – Set in beautiful Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts, this liberal arts program plays in the Great Northeast Athletic Conference; the most misleading conference name, because it can’t be that great if they don’t have football.

San Francisco State University – Forget about sports for a minute, if you go to this school you can be a fair-weather USC fan with likes of David Carradine, Annette Bening, Dana Carvey, and Danny Glover.

University of Houston Downtown – You can forget all your troubles; forget all your cares, and forget about playing sports if you go Downtown.

Monday, July 23, 2007



In honor of the upcoming football season, this blog will take on a subtle sports theme.

A wise man once said “Sports, Sports, Sports!”

That same wise man also said “Leave a message after the Sports. Sports!”

Now for a list of the Top 10 NFL Quarterbacks.

10. Jon Kitna – List of my favorite lions: Sanders, Kitna, Simba. In that order.

9. Damon Huard – Person on this list most likely to be replaced by a man name Brodie.

8. Vince Young – Michael Vick, minus the dog fighting, plus talent.

7. Drew Brees – Has more Myspace stalkers than any other QB. Coincidently, I like how his name sounds.

6. Brian Griese – Most underrated QB of all time. Would have led the Bucs to a 15-1 2005 season had it not been for his Vaginitis.

5. Donovan McNabb – Best known for killing Wendy’s Fantasy Football Season.

4. Carson Palmer – Like a younger, more attractive Ken Dilger. (Sidenote = google the Carson Palmer Cornhole Classic, it’s a real thing)

3. Marc Bulger – Bulger’s most prized possession = his Steve Gilbert throwback jersey.

2. Tom Brady – Ladies this man will make you pregnant.

1. Peyton Manning – 6'5", 235 pound quarterback with a laser rocket arm. Funny on SNL. Has a little boy haircut.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

good things come in threes

Have you noticed how many movies came out this summer. Have you noticed how all the major ones are triples. Theres Rush Hour 3, Ocean's 13, Bourne Ultimatum, Shrek the Third, Pirates 3, and Spider Man. This list doesnt even include all the sequels (Fantastic 4 and 28 Weeks Later), fourquels (Live Free of Die Hard), or perpetuals (Harry Potter 35).

While all these seem bad, there are some good things about triples.

The number of Triplets in the United States has risen from 1 pregnancy out of ever 1445(1989) to 1 out of every 539 (2001). Fact, American's drink too much soda.

Carl Crawford, the King of Triples

Triple Sec, key ingredient of the Kamikaze.

Other good triples:
Hansen, Buying 1 and getting 2 Free, Tricycles, and De La Soul

Friday, July 20, 2007

the current state of hip-hop

As a life long hip-hop fan, I must say that I have been disappointed in the current state of hip-hop. While the hip-hop of our youth was probably California or at least Michigan, it seems to me like the current state of hip-hop is.... well.... Delaware.

By all accounts Delaware is a nondescript place, where everyone incorporates but nobody really sets up shop. That aint grinding.

Delaware is the 2nd smallest state in the union, and as any girl will tell you size matters.

Props do go out to Delaware for being a buffer state during the civil war, and for putting 20 inch rims on the 'lac.

go slow, this is my first time

My apologies to all of you who found this webspace. My hope with this blog is to somehow use this inter-web medium to teach you how to be a grinder. To do so we will take in depth non sequitur looks into the worlds of television, music, sports, friendship, teen angst, and of course former bucs coach tony dungy.

Sometimes I will capitalize too many words, and other times not enough. I assure you its because I was not hugged enough as a child and has nothing to do with the 4 I received on my AP English Test.

Thanks for your patronage.